Comments on: Snapping Out from Depression Illness

By: she

she — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 07:22:21 +0000

hi. Am going to the same thing that you are going to right now. On the top of my career and then BOOM.. nothing… no career no love life… As much as I want to undergo medication. I think I cant afford it as I have to work. I’m being hired again but i fear that it may attack me when I’m working so I’m doing double time in praying, meditating and thinking positively. I lost my BF and gave up my career for him, migrated back home only to feel not at home. The change brought so much for me than I could handle. I felt my life has turned 180 degrees. As much as my mo is talking to me. sometimes i feel that she is even tired of me. I’m 33 and should have a family of my own by now. I feel so unpretty and worthless. Food has always been a battle for me. I feel that I’m fat when I’m on 47 kg at 5′2 When I look at the mirror I see a lonely girl. I’m gonna try this session for hypnotherapy. Hope it helps before I go back to work. My work is very demanding physically and can wreak havoc to me emotionally… especially people at work. Please pray for me…

By: yodee

yodee — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:28:29 +0000

on my first stage of depression nicotine, alcohol and sex was enough. but then it gets worse… so i started taking sleeping pills ‘cos i thought i was depressed due to the lack of sleep, but no that didn’t help either. amazingly enough, killing myself on the treadmill cures it all… so i guess you should find something you really like. it sounds lame but it works like a charm for me

By: yvon

yvon — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 11:47:30 +0000

Dear Parvita,
I dont know whether youll read this, but whats more important to me is this is the first time in my entire 30 years of life I’m gonna tell someone of my sad secret (dont know someones gonna read this or if it is sad)

I dont know how to start…by sayin, to the outside world I’m someone who cant ask for more in my circumstances. I’m considered slightly above average in intelligence(forgive the boasting tone if there is any but i’m speaking the truth) very knowledgeable and highly placed in society.
The villian is the same guy who led me here….no I dont know for sure if it is clinical depression…cos as I told earlier I have not told anyone of this problem yet, and probably its not bad enough to ruin my life to the outside world BUT I’M REALLY CLOSE TO IT.
Its funny but I’ll explain if you permit. I started to detect this prob of mine long back. Simply speakin it goes like this. Suppose I consider someone of very high esteem. MRS X say(or more aptly a divine figure say mother Mary)…..when I get this attack, a sudden flash goes thru my mind which would be something very gross about him/her
(you dont get it I know….wait) the very next micro second I blame for that thought but please note I dont have any control over the first insulting flash of thought……what follows next is huge wave of regret since I am someone who believes GOD watches even thoughts and hence I have defaulted…..but I cant help it!!! out of random some gross(I mean very gross at times probab of sexual nature) thought flash would strike say about Jesus or someone who’s picture I cant look straight out of reverence and fear.!!!!
Funny eh? Not for me….I cant put it in words effectively to make you understand even a fraction of my pain…some bloggers I’m sure would laugh and call me a crack…..
YES I AM……TOTALLY A CRACK INSIDE
But then GOD bless, how many cracks draw a 7 figure salary, keep a perfect marriage and drive an E-class Merc?
I am One……..
I am SAD….
one more input ….my spiritual GURU once warned me that I might be havin depression…he/she got that reading from my energy/aura
To the people advocating service and charity I am doin all that (maybe not enough) and it helps….all true and the people advocating a tough fight…I guess I’m doin that too. A second aspect is that after some damagin flash of thought happens I will sit and analyse every micro second’s thought for the whole flash and somehow try to convince that I dint think that….no Image struck, but as I think more I am gettin into a viscious cycle…cos they are more thoughts!!!! I dont wanna think any bad, I’m tryin to convince I dint do any wrong….I know GOD knows I dint do any wrong but I am so F@#$in stupid thinkin what if GOD charges me with those thoughts?
hahahaha…..it was simple as this say 7 years ago, but now things have escalated like say, honestly when I make love to my wife some depressive gross thought flashes, and there i AM sittin and regrettin and convincin myself I dint think anythin bad, or whatever….she has detected there is slightly somethin wrong with me…but she’s a great woman, lucky to have her…things are very complicated now….Also i have a perfectionism problem…..which adds to this.
whew!!!!!
FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I TALKED ABOUT THIS
n I dont know why, maybe I SUFFERED so much and still am…..
I am sure my mind is ill……because long back I used to make impulsive gestures and movements which I made even in public and people had asked me about it….I do cry at moving thoughts and gestures of love but am terrifically strong and cool where others might give way ,say , in front of an insult. I am very confident(madly you can say) in public and I can make or break someones’ day in minutes….
But not my life…hahaha…..my minds’ my best friend….and worst enemy at times…….
guess I tripped away enough
and I dont think anyone else has a problem of this exact nature I know.
Is this depression? yes mornings are not good for me…..I have migraines too…….symptoms get worse I have noted when wearin tight pants
or bad breakfasts…..
I dont know
But I’m happy I opened out
Thank you
LOve
yvon (not my real name)

By: parvita

parvita — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:36:48 +0000

@Anita: Thanks for your post. It is comforting that somebody from similar background can relate to what I have been through. It is, however, hard to change the paradigm that WE have to come first. I believe you understand, coming from the same culture. It took me quite a while to realize that I cannot make everybody happy and I cannot do anyways unless I am happy. It took me a while to know that being selfish in this case is OK. I hope everything bitter is all behind you now and I do hope that mine is also. We have to move forward and not let the past and in my case, my condition (I do think I have some chemical issues, although it is still a pro and con about it), I have to accept it and move on. Life is too short to worry about.

@Kindred: It took me a while to realize and accept how I am ‘built’. I do have the tendency to get depressed, even up to now I do feel the gloomy mornings without any particular reason, and I suppose that is just how it is. My only way is to therapy myself by controling my mind, avoid the trigger, and like you, put my life in the hand of God.

Thank you for your insightful posts. I hope it will help other clinically depressed people, whoever reads this blog.

By: Kindred

Kindred — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:13:55 +0000

We are all chemical reactions. In depression, a certain chemical is out of balance. Thats it – no more – no less. You reality comes from your own head. Your own head is controlled by chemicals. If a chemical is out of balance – your thinking is out of balance. Will power, srtrength of character wont fix it. We are living creatures, of a perfect design, but not necessarily individually perfectly constructed or maintained. The chemical remedies work for clinical depression. Physological disorder, without clinical depression is a different story. I too suffer from this. I take the chemicals and put my life in Gods hands. You are but a grain of sand on the long sandy beach. Enjoy being not too special. Revel in being just another human, amongst many.

By: Anita McKay

Anita McKay — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 11:28:52 +0000

Hi Parvita, my friend directed me to this posting, and surprisingly I found it’s you. I had the similar experience as you but not as bad. My posting here touched it briefly. http://anitacarmencita.blogspot.com/2006/10/life-is-not-that-bad.html
Similar to you, I was brought up in a successful family, programmed to be a successful one and I become one! And then my marriage fell apart just like yours. It was a devastating period, because I was too busy with work I didn’t have time to pay attention to myself, I suffered acute migraine almost every week I had to take a day off. I developed imsonia so I was always like zombie at work. Not to mention that my ex turned to be a lunatic and terrorize my entire family. I felt I was a failure, I fail myself, my parents, my family, even my society. Trying to bounce back, I committed to a relationship with another Indo man who didn’t want to commit and treated me like s***. I felt more like a failure than ever.

There are two things that made me able to go through this. One if my girlfriends. They couldn’t accept me saying no so they keep dragging me out to see people and be social. They stood by me but kept telling me to wake up and stop being stupid. That hurts, hehe, but they’re right. The second is my mother, who was so cool through everything, and one thing that she kept saying to me is: do whatever that makes you happy.

Happy, that’s the key word. I wasn’t happy for a looong time because I’ve tried to please everybody else but me. I tried to hard to project the perfect ‘me’, I forgot that I also need space to fail. Only by accepting the “whole me”, not just the perfect me, I’ve made peace with myself. Only by being selfish (me first, my happiness first, the rest can wait), I got better. Fortunately, after more than a year, with my own changing attitude, my life’s been good.

I know probably it’s not really apple-to-apple comparison to your depression but hope you know that everything will fall into the right place someday. I know that depression takes time. I’ve got an auntie in Germany who suffered it for 15 years and she’s just better several years ago. Patience. ‘Pasrah’. Love yourself first than others. Enjoy life. Wish you good luck.
Cheers.

By: parvita

parvita — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 10:55:03 +0000

Hi Karelin,

Depression is not racist. It can happen to anybody. Based on statistics, depression is in the top ten most disease in the USA. With lots of natural disaster and poverty in Indonesia, I can see there could be lots of depressed people in Indonesia.

Another thing that I can point out is that Indonesian people believe in God and they practise their religion, or, in remote areas, they believe in spirits. And usually people who have faith in God are less prone to depression. Another thing is, Indonesians, like other Asian countries, have tighter bounds with their families. So, for example, one of the family members are sad because of death or divorce, or anything, they have their families that will help them out. That is why shrinks are not too popular here. They often go to family members or visit the religious leaders to seek for advise.

Another point is, Indonesia has summer all year around. Places with less sunshine have more depressed people. Which means, forever, there will be more depressed people at colder places. Ever heard of SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder)?

Depression nowdays, I think, will happen more in bigger cities like Jakarta, where people are more individualistic, where life is harder. But only those who have access to treatment will get professional help.

By: Karelin

Karelin — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 00:39:41 +0000

Indonesians will get the highest rate of depression for sure. Means Indonesia is the highest rates of depress people in the World.

By: Peeebs

Peeebs — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 02:13:22 +0000

No need for sleeping pills.

No need for therapy.

Run 120 km at night with a 50kg backpack. You will sleep the sleep of dead men.

Tell yourself of your strengths, not your weaknesses. Look at your self doubts and see how trivial they are. Stand on the balcony of life and lean over the edge. Take the risk, and be amazed that you can do it.

Dance at midnight in a strangers arms. Feel their body next to yours and enjoy the sensation.

Hold a newborn baby an recognise the miracle of life. The baby will exist after we are long gone from this earth. It is our future.

Hold a dying mans hand and hear his final words. Feel his last breath on your cheeks. They drink his heath and remember him.

Life is too good to need therapy. To bore the ass of another human being with our own story. Go out and see the miracle of life.

Take risks, take no shit. Push back when life pushes. Grab life when it grabs you.

Pick 10 incredible things to do, and do them. We live just 22,000 days. Just half a million hours. What did you achieve in the last one?

By: Lucy

Lucy — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 00:54:58 +0000

I have just recovered from measles, colds, flu, diarrhea for the last 16 days. And just the day before my birtday (sept 16) I was healed by God. One of the important things i learned while i was resting in bed and reading a book about natural remedies on illnesses, viruses, depressions, and the like — medicines/drugs are poisonous. Even medical professionals were told of this important truth they needed to know. What we people need to do is to live right and eat the right foods.

What I can say for you is, continue pouring on God ALL of your problems. Talk to Him daily, anytime of the day, wherever you are, whatever you are doing. Give up your worries and problems to Him. God listens.

It does really helps if you are confident on God. Have faith in Him. Believe that He is your only Saviour. By the time you will learn to do this, you will have peace in your mind and heart.