I’m 40, Single and Living in Jakarta (part 3)

Yippie, my birthday!

The atmosphere has been different days before 22 December 2007.  It started from my friend Dave, who said, “Capricorns are boring people and very easy to please.  See, I don’t have to buy expensive presents, you are happy with my unused hydroxycuts”.  I smirked. Boring?!  I don’t think I’m boring!  He continued, “You only do missionary if you sleep with another Cap”.  Halah. So wrong.

The conversation followed on the way to the gym.  I left the office earlier than usual. Dave tagged along to be dropped at Blok M.  We picked up my gym buddy, Kerm, where he said, “Somebody is turning 40 tomorrow…”, which he already text me earlier in the day, “I smell 40…”. 

As usual, we hit the gym, worked ourselves out, checked out other members, hit the shower and dinner. We have been laughing and gigling, unlike other days. 

Kerm will be 40 on the 27th.  He is another Capricorn.  He said, “We get satisfied quite easily.  We don’t demand too much in our lives.  We don’t set high goals.  Our goals are reasonably achievable.  We don’t make rules that we will break.  Capricorns are boring”.  I was stunned.  Dave just said that earlier in the office.  He continued, “I admit that I’m a boring person and easy to please and get satisfied.  You should do, too”.  I didn’t agree.  Although, deep in my busy brain, I tried to recall what exciting things I did lately.  I do have to agree that my life is office, gym, go home and play with my dogs.  What’s wrong with that?  I’m happy playing low key.  I have hobbies. 

We moved to Gelatissimo for ice cream.  Conversation subject changed for a bit then he asked, “So, what are you doing tomorrow?”.  I said, “I’m going to take my dogs for a walk, then go do my weekly grocery shopping and I dunno”.  Then he exploded, “That’s the highlight of your 40th birthday??  Parvita, admit it, you are a boring person.  I admit I am”.  I straighten my back, raised my eyebrow, while he was laughing his ass off.  Damn him. 

The D-day.  The phone was screaming since 0:00am with sms.  Dogs were berserk. I received about 40 congratulations from my family, friends, ex boyfriends.  I did my grocery shopping and cleaned my house a bit, went to the doctor and it was pouring rain.

My sister, nieces and parents came over.  Little nieces gave me a present for my office desk.  A cute flower from word that says, “Happy Birthday, Tinin, Keep Smiling Everyday”.  Tinin is what my nieces call me, God knows what it meas. I think it is cute, and also the wooden pink flower cheered me up. 

I thought that was it, but I was wrong.  I come from a conservative Sumatran family, where gathering is important, where if can, you have a ceremony each time you sneeze.  So, we went out.  Out of all the places in Jakarta, I suggested, (I prefer quiet environment where we can talk), Pondok Indah Mall was chosen.  Because it is fun for my nieces to see the Christmas trees.  Oh God, I go there 3x a week for gym.  Last night I was there with Kerm.  Weekend at PIM, will be a nightmare.  And I get berserk at really crowded places.  But, this is part of the verse that I read in the Quran this morning: make your parents happy, and they are happy if their granddaughters are happy.  So, Duck King it was (and I don’t even eat duck).

My parents are quite old.  My Dad is 78, had several operations on his vertebrate and walks slowly with a cane.  My Mom is still fit, being 65 (she can lift more barbells doing bench press than me).  The place was so crowded.  If it was quiet, I’m sure my Dad would’ve started with his speech, and my Mom, and my sis, and I’m sure somewhere along the way they will say, “I worry that you are single, I can just hope that you are not committing any sin, and I hope you find someone”.  It was too crowded to have a conversation let alone a speech.

If I can draw my busy brain, it was confused like a tangled woolthread, or like a spaghetti.  The brain had to be turned off, the heart should open up.  I remember Elyani’s writings on how passionate she is towards her family.  That kept me going.  Listening to kids chirping, screaming, calling me, watching them not to get lost or touch things that we have to pay later, sort of fun but I realized that I’m too old for little kids.   

We left the restaurant.  On the way down, my parents got lost.  They were walking slowly, while my sister and I were following the running kids, and…. “Where’s Dad?”.  So, holding a stupid balloon, walked back looking for my mom and dad.  And then Kerm sent me text message, “So, you cleaned your bookshelf on your 40th birthday.  What are you up to now?”.   I smirked.  I felt like punching him. 

“I’m at PIM, looking for my lost parents and listening to my screaming nieces”.

“PIM again?  I hope you didn’t eat at the same place”

“OK, I admit I’m boring.  Laugh”.

Found my parents and then ready to go home.  Until my Dad said, “I want HagenDaz”.  Aaaaargh.

Kerm text me again.  “Already home?”

“Dad wants ice cream.  Why?”

“I hope it’s not the ice cream place we were last night”

“Shut up”

“Anyways, remember we are having coffee tomorrow at 3 pm”

“Please don’t let it be in a mall.  Pleeeeeaaaaasssseeee…”

“Sure “

On the way back, we discussed how bad traffic was in Pondok Indah.  How crowded PIM was.  My parents haven’t been there for a year.  I told them they didn’t miss anything.   I told them that I go there 3x a week because my gym is there.  They asked about how much I pay for parking. 

I arrived home, at 10:30pm, wishing Tita, my neighbour, was already home.  We planned to open a bottle of red wine.  Her car was not in.  Her Dad had to be taked to the hospital.  I looked at my wine stock.  Should I drink alone?  I really wanted a glass of wine.  I looked at my dogs.  They were tired and sleepy. I took my orange juice and a ciggy instead.

Being 40 means being more tolerant.  My nieces love to play with their ‘Tinin’ and never left me alone (yes, that’s one of my headache, too, in the car, with the soprano voices).  My Dad, who I have to repeat things because his hearing is not as good as it used to and he walks slower than ever.  My Mom, who has a brain as busy as mine but constantly worry about me and my syblings and Dad, on top of being a famous pediatrician in Jakarta. 

I begin to think how patient they were when I learned how to walk and talk.  When they taught me how to read and count. When it took them forever to teach me until I can understand things.   When I wet my pants.  When I refused to listen to them when I was a teenager.  How they comforted me when I heard thunder.  Despite of how difficult I was, they loved me.  Now, it is time for me to walk slowly with them.  Talk slowly and clearly to them.  Hold them when they are tired.  And I don’t think I did too well last night.  Not good enough.  Despite of how they brought us up, and how unfair I think that they have always gave more attention to my only brother and how I think my brother is spoilt rotten (we are North Sumatrans, boys come first), they did their best raising their kids.  They raised me.  Nurtured me.  Loved me.  They didn’t abort me. 

Being 40 means payback time.  That’s the spirit of 46:15.  PIM was so far from my idea of celebrating my 40th birthday.  But it was a clear teaching from 46:15.  The Busy Brain was turned off.  It was the heart opening up.