Reunion: the past, the future, and the present
This year there has been lots of reunions. Starting with my junior high reunions, elementary school friends, small reunion with at the end of last year, reunion with classmates on the 9th grade, and honestly, I am tired of it.
Reunion is a place where you show up to see how your old pals have evolved. To keep in touch, maybe to do business together. I ended up meeting Kerm who became a gym buddy, then reunited with the other friends of him and formed “Club 40s” (which now is called JSRT..long story). I saw some of my friends who are married and have nice little kids, or who has been divorced (me included), or still single. Met those who became hot shots in business. Or married someone extremely rich.
Actually, reunion is sort of reminding me of where I am at the moment. Look at this place, this school pals, look at what a naughty and tomboy I was, and look at how I turned out to be. Listen to what other people think about me now, how much I have evolved and others have become. Remembering all the stupid experiments we do to ourselves and when there is no responsibilities besides doing homework. Play, play, play. And praise the God that I am still healthy, still in shape, hopefully still attractive 
The elementary reunion gave me lots of blues because during that time, I was such a follower of my Mom. My mom liked to compare me to this smartest girl in the class, which actually parents are not supposed to do. It reminded me of my stressful childhood where I always have to be the best in school and if my points are lower than her, my mom will yell her lungs out. She was pretty and feminine, I was a tomboy outdoor little girl who cannot stop riding her bike at 2 pm around the complex.
Besides, I was known to do a little bit of drugs during junior high. Only pot and sleeping pills, poor students can’t afford more than that. That was my rebellious time after elementary school, trying to find myself and identity. I was not popular, not the pretty girl group, I had only few good friends who are as rebellious as I was. Thinking about that moment, I thank God that I didn’t become a drug addict: mom put me in a catholic school which was really strict.
The point is, these reunion sometimes sucks you somewhere. Showing up in front of my old friends, letting them know how I’m doing, sort of makes me think like gosh, after 25-30 years later, here I am, I made it, I am an independant woman. Boy, they all say I’m now more feminine, I must be really bad when I was younger. Here I am, healthier and in shape compared to my other friends. But here I am, with all the bruises here and there beaten up by life, but they only leave me marks which makes me a better person.
My father had a reunion between his old friends in office when he was working for Pertamina. He invited all his subordinates and his bosses, had a single electronic keyboard person come and they sang and laughed and share stories. Now, in this case, I was looking at those oldies. My dad is 78 years old and from the others, he is the only person alive. Everybody wished him good health. Some of them has own business. Some still work as a consultant in the oil industry. Most of the women, which I called ‘tante’ during the ‘arisan ibu2′ wear hijab now. I bet they are remembering all those moments, especially when they were expatriated to Japan, like my Dad. That was long time ago.
At the end of the day, I thought that I am proud to have a Dad like mine. Everybody came to the party and everybody was wishing him good health. He was still respected and loved by his peers and ex subordinates. He must have done something good when he was still in power.
Then I think about the future. If 20 years later my colleagues meet each other, what will it look like? What will it be like? Will they remember me as a short tempered geologist? A good boss? Rebellious bitch? Smart geologist? And in 20 years, will I still be strong and sane? Will I be alone or will I have someone to share my life with? Will I still be able to see my old friends again? Who will die first?
Reunions. It can suck when it reminds you of the tough childhood and what we have become. And what we have done. Sort of like a reflection. At one point my discussion with Kerm was all about old friends and finally I got tired of it and decided to live my present life and look to the future. Too much reunion is just too much. But it is enough to remind me of what I have been through in life. Enough to remind me that all the happiness and pain has sculptured me as what I am right now. And these people was once part of my life.
No more reunion for me though, it is too depressing.
June 28, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Parvita,
Regarding reunions, I have never been to one, as I have refused the few invitations I have received. Reason; I suspect that I would not like it much. Seems to me that too many peoples favourite topic of conversation is themselves. In fact I have had too many conversations in which conversations come to an end if the conversation ceases to be about them. I think I am a very insignificant human being because very few people actually want to know about me, my thoughts or experiences. Eyes glaze over if I have something to add.
In a reunion, you are surrounded by acquaintances, not friends. By definition, the bonds of friendship with most other attendees have been loosened by time. You haven’t seen the vast majority of these people in e.g. 20 years because, fundamentally, insufficient effort was made to keep in contact, except for the chosen few. No matter what the excuse, the basic undeniable reason that insufficient effort was made to keep in contact with the majority was because they weren’t worth the effort 20 years ago.
They still aren’t worth the effort.
The topic of conversations would be dominated by the winners and losers in life. Either some people want to let you know how well they have done, so that you know how rich/powerful/wonderful they are, or those that want a little sympathy will tell you their life stories.
My conclusion: Absolutely positive that no one will remember my name anyway.
June 29, 2008 at 11:33 pm
@Kindred: you seem cynical of reunion more than I do. In fact, there are some things that you can learn with your soft eyes on reunion. Lots of messages. But you are right about we were separated for so many years and it is just because we don’t feel that it is important to contact them in 20 years. But some relationships could be renewed. After all, after 20 years, we are different person.
My Dad’s reunion was mostly because they see each other separately, usually during general check up in the hospital. They keep in touch but only one by one. So they decided to put all the people together at one place to remember the old times and laugh about it.
Some lost friendship could be renewed from reunions. Some reunions are good, some are just plain blah. Like the elementary school ones, that was reminding me of my hard childhood. It is good to remember some funny stories, but for me, I’ve had enough reunion. Remembering the good ol’ past is good to keep us remember where we evolved from, but the most important thing is the present and the future.
And I’ve had enough with reunions. I agree, they suck when it happens too much.