Mistakes
I was thinking of the kind of mistakes that makes me feel that I cannot forgive myself. The kind that makes you feel, “Gosh, I really screwed it this time”, “Dang, how am I going to live with myself now?”. The kind that makes you embarrassed, or regretful, or even suicidal.
Photo by dhiebgd
The Japanese. Harakiri, Seppuku. When they made a mistake, they feel so ashamed that they commit suicide. So ashamed that they cannot face the earth anymore. Rather than live with shame, they would rather die. Harakiri is done maybe to pay for their mistakes. It is the best one can do to save their name and face.
I don’t know any other culture that goes to that extreme.
When one makes a mistake, they are sorry and they ask for forgiveness to whoever they made a mistake to. Promise that they will not do it again. Hope that they will be forgiven, if not now, soon. Hope that we can all forget the mistake like it never happened.
When I was in school, when I made a mistake, I will get punishment. When I came late, I had to clean the bathroom. When I forgot to do my homework, I had to stand up in front of the classroom. At home, corporal punishment was applied. If we made a big mistake, we will feel the broom or the sapulidi or the belt. As we grow up, I think it became more torturing because our father gave us long speeches that really made us feel bad. Then without being told, we will apologize to him in tears and ask for forgiveness and promise that we will never do it again.
As we grow up we make different mistakes. We interact with different people and they act differently. “Forgiven but not forgotten” applies. Relationships cannot be the same anymore. Some mistakes cause lots of money. Or even a big effect on other people’s life. Or your own life. If I was forgiven, it feels better. If not, I will feel bad but I will accept it as the consequence and just have to live with it. But what if we cannot forgive ourselves? What if it feels like you are a basketcase, bad person, screwed up big time, failure? So ashamed of yourself that you don’t want to face the world anymore? What if you hate yourself because of the mistake and the mistake cost a fortune? What if other people have to suffer because of your mistake and you are aware that you screwed up?
What if forgiving yourself is so difficult? What if one thinks even God hate them?
Mistake – disgrace – shame – punishment – apologize
On the opposite case, some people don’t feel ashamed when they made a mistake or two. They don’t seem to be sorry and don’t need to apologize, either. They don’t need to admit it, also. Even though they screwed up big time and people suffer from the mistake, they seem like they can still eat and sleep well. Aren’t they lucky?
Sometimes it just stops at mistake. No disgrace, no shame, no punishment. While here I am, sometimes feeling like….ending it all.
May 15, 2009 at 9:44 am
I believe the quote “to err is human”, we make mistakes and probably will keep making them as time goes by. While it’s true that we should apologize sincerely, try to make amends and learn from our mistakes, there is no point of beating ourselves up for things that have already happened.
You are right, the hardest part is to forgive yourself. But this is the one thing that we need to do. Because only after we can forgive ourselves, we can move on – hopefully wiser and know better what to do next.
Despite of having made serious mistakes and lived with the consequences, I still think that being allive is a wonderful thing.. so many good things to enjoy, still outweighs the bad parts.
May 19, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Mistakes is part of the gift from God, where we should over come and learn something from it.
Through mistakes actually we learn to mastering our selves, we become alert of our selves.
That’s how I view mistakes.
But I also notice that there’s mistake that we never over come, the mistake that we never forget and become the ghost of our life.
I have that mistake and until now, I still find difficulties to forgive myself.
That mistake become the ghost of my life.
But I never stop trying, because I know if I quit, if I surrender, then the devil will win, and I don’t want the devil become the winner.
So, you should try Parvita, you should
God created us because we are special and because no one in this world are perfect.
Therefore, we should try harder and harder to over come that “feeling”
May 20, 2009 at 8:19 am
@Mia and Tere616: thanks. As normal people, I guess we have our ‘regret’ times and time to forgive ourselves. During that time, we feel bad. Even feel worse if it caused someone a trouble because of our mistake. That is our punishment.
Now. I am amazed at how some people can even sleep well after committing a big mistake. What is the secret of that? Not having shame? Thick skin?
May 23, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I think, there is no secret in that. Some people are born less sensitive. I think, you are more of a sensitive person. Perhaps an extremely sensitive person, which is sometimes good. You’re very good at describing/expressing your feeling in words (I like reading your blog!). But sometimes, you’re overstrained by your sensitivity. I would rather – in your place – try to find the golden middle. An equilibrium.
And, yes! Making mistakes is human. We shouldn’t be too hard to ourselves.